Solutions for Building Self-Esteem

Why build self-esteem? The benefits of having self-esteem are numerous. Self-esteem is strongly associated with happiness, psychological resilience, and a motivation to live a productive and healthy life. 

Those lacking self-esteem are more likely to experience depression, anxiety, problem anger, chronic pain, immunosuppression, and a variety of other distressing physical and psychological symptoms.

 Indeed, Morris Rosenberg, Ph.D., the foremost researcher on self-esteem, said it well when he stated that nothing can be more stressful than the experience of lacking the basic anchor and security of a wholesome sense of self-worth.

 So self-esteem is essential to our health, coping abilities, survival, and sense of well-being. During my tenure at the University of Maryland, I developed a skills-based course that improved self-esteem while reducing symptoms of depression, anxiety, and problem anger in adults eighteen to sixty-eight years of age (Schiraldi and Brown 2001).

 It was very good news to discover that mental health could be improved by employing such an approach. Those self-esteem skills are described in detail in my earlier book, The Self-Esteem Workbook (Schiraldi 2001), which you might someday find beneficial to tackle.

However, if you now lack the time or readiness, or if current circumstances prevent you from beginning that systematic approach, then 10 Simple Solutions to Self-Esteem is for you. It offers a simpler, quicker approach to increasing self-esteem—one that I hope you will find richly rewarding.

Know What Self-Esteem Is

Self-esteem is a realistic, appreciative opinion of oneself. Realistic means we are dealing in the truth, being accurately and honestly aware of our strengths, weaknesses, and everything in between. Appreciative, however, suggests that we have good feelings overall about the  person we see. Think of a friend who knows you well and cherishes you, recognizing that there is more to you than your faults, and you’ll get a sense of what appreciative means.

Be Mindful

Our experiences in life and our perception of externals can change the way we feel about ourselves. The wonderful news, however, is that we can learn how to develop self-esteem.

In building self-esteem, effective attempts will target thoughts, images, feelings, and behaviors.

Clear Away Negative Thoughts

Self-esteem enables us to experience ourselves accurately and gladly. What prevents us from doing so? Unreasonably negative thoughts which surround and camouflage the core like a cloud of debris after a storm. Cognitive therapy (CT) is the branch of psychology that helps people identify, challenge, and then replace such thoughts. This well-researched

Approach is considered a mainstream treatment for depression, anxiety, and problem anger. Because self-esteem is so strongly related to these conditions, CT is also very useful for self-esteem building.

Be Aware of Your Strengths

People with self-esteem are not necessarily brighter, more attractive, or more skillful than those who lack self-esteem. The difference really lies in the way we view ourselves.

Dwelling on our negative aspects prevents us from enjoying our core worth and what is presently right about ourselves. Thinking “I can’t like myself with this or that fault” also blocks self-acceptance, since it makes eliminating our faults a condition for worth. There will be a time to polish the rough edges and to grow. But for now let’s focus on a more essential skill: doing an inventory of your strengths in order to view your core worth more accurately.

Use Mindful Meditations

Love is essential for mental health and self-esteem, and the lack of love seems to contribute to anxiety and low self-esteem. Young monkeys who do not bond with their mothers become very anxious. In humans, children who form loving bonds with their parents tend to demonstrate the benefits of self-esteem, and adult anxiety and low self-esteem are

strongly associated with each other (Brown, Schiraldi, and Wrobleski 2003).

Appreciate Your Body

Have you ever noticed what you see when you look in the mirror? Do you view your overall appearance and countenance cordially and kindly, or do you home right in on your body’s flaws? One approach leads to a satisfying feeling; the other results in a feeling of disappointment.

Care for Your Mind by Caring for Your Body

Because the mind and body are interactively connected, taking care of the body is a way to strengthen mental health and self-esteem. Stated more emphatically, we can’t expect to feel our best psychologically if we neglect our physical health. The good news is that (1) we now know how to optimize physical health, and (2) the investment of time, money, and effort required to accomplish this is not excessive. Physical health is like a three-legged stool, which topples if one of the legs is missing. The three legs of physical health are sleep, exercise, and nutrition.

Develop Your Character and Spirituality

Self-esteem, much like happiness, is cultivated from within, and the process benefits from consistent nourishment and constructive effort. It’s a common belief that we are born

with an upward reach, a desire to grow and progress toward our potential, and that we feel better about ourselves as we do so. This chapter will explore pathways to inner enrichment,

drawing upon themes that are common across diverse cultures and spiritual traditions.

Look ahead

Optimism, which correlates with self-esteem, lets us look forward to a satisfying life. Life satisfaction is built upon emotional intelligence skills (such as healing and taking care of ourselves emotionally), persisting in doing what is working, personal growth, and cultivating meaning and purpose, among other things. This chapter will explore three remaining processes related to self-esteem and life satisfaction: personality development, cultivating meaning and purpose, and relapse prevention.