Why
build self-esteem? The benefits of having self-esteem are numerous. Self-esteem
is strongly associated with happiness, psychological resilience, and a
motivation to live a productive and healthy life.
Those lacking self-esteem are
more likely to experience depression, anxiety, problem anger, chronic pain,
immunosuppression, and a variety of other distressing physical and
psychological symptoms.
Indeed, Morris Rosenberg, Ph.D., the foremost
researcher on self-esteem, said it well when he stated that nothing can be more
stressful than the experience of lacking the basic anchor and security of a wholesome
sense of self-worth.
So self-esteem is essential to our health,
coping abilities, survival, and sense of well-being. During my tenure at the
University of Maryland, I developed a skills-based course that improved
self-esteem while reducing symptoms of depression, anxiety, and problem anger in
adults eighteen to sixty-eight years of age (Schiraldi and Brown 2001).
It was very good news to discover that mental health
could be improved by employing such an approach. Those self-esteem skills are
described in detail in my earlier book, The Self-Esteem Workbook (Schiraldi
2001), which you might someday find beneficial to tackle.
However,
if you now lack the time or readiness, or if current circumstances prevent you
from beginning that systematic approach, then 10 Simple Solutions to
Self-Esteem is for you. It offers a simpler, quicker approach to increasing
self-esteem—one that I hope you will find richly rewarding.
Know What Self-Esteem Is
Self-esteem
is a realistic, appreciative opinion of oneself. Realistic means we are dealing
in the truth, being accurately and honestly aware of our strengths, weaknesses,
and everything in between. Appreciative, however, suggests that we have good
feelings overall about the person we
see. Think of a friend who knows you well and cherishes you, recognizing that
there is more to you than your faults, and you’ll get a sense of what
appreciative means.
Be Mindful
Our
experiences in life and our perception of externals can change the way we feel
about ourselves. The wonderful news, however, is that we can learn how to
develop self-esteem.
In
building self-esteem, effective attempts will target thoughts, images, feelings,
and behaviors.
Clear Away Negative Thoughts
Self-esteem
enables us to experience ourselves accurately and gladly. What prevents us from
doing so? Unreasonably negative thoughts which surround and camouflage the core
like a cloud of debris after a storm. Cognitive therapy (CT) is the branch of
psychology that helps people identify, challenge, and then replace such
thoughts. This well-researched
Approach
is considered a mainstream treatment for depression, anxiety, and problem
anger. Because self-esteem is so strongly related to these conditions, CT is
also very useful for self-esteem building.
Be Aware of Your Strengths
People
with self-esteem are not necessarily brighter, more attractive, or more
skillful than those who lack self-esteem. The difference really lies in the way
we view ourselves.
Dwelling
on our negative aspects prevents us from enjoying our core worth and what is
presently right about ourselves. Thinking “I can’t like myself with this or
that fault” also blocks self-acceptance, since it makes eliminating our faults
a condition for worth. There will be a time to polish the rough edges and to
grow. But for now let’s focus on a more essential skill: doing an inventory of
your strengths in order to view your core worth more accurately.
Use Mindful Meditations
Love
is essential for mental health and self-esteem, and the lack of love seems to
contribute to anxiety and low self-esteem. Young monkeys who do not bond with
their mothers become very anxious. In humans, children who form loving bonds
with their parents tend to demonstrate the benefits of self-esteem, and adult
anxiety and low self-esteem are
strongly
associated with each other (Brown, Schiraldi, and Wrobleski 2003).
Appreciate Your Body
Have
you ever noticed what you see when you look in the mirror? Do you view your
overall appearance and countenance cordially and kindly, or do you home right
in on your body’s flaws? One approach leads to a satisfying feeling; the other
results in a feeling of disappointment.
Care for Your Mind by Caring for Your Body
Because
the mind and body are interactively connected, taking care of the body is a way
to strengthen mental health and self-esteem. Stated more emphatically, we can’t
expect to feel our best psychologically if we neglect our physical health. The
good news is that (1) we now know how to optimize physical health, and (2) the
investment of time, money, and effort required to accomplish this is not
excessive. Physical health is like a three-legged stool, which topples if one
of the legs is missing. The three legs of physical health are sleep, exercise,
and nutrition.
Develop Your Character and Spirituality
Self-esteem,
much like happiness, is cultivated from within, and the process benefits from
consistent nourishment and constructive effort. It’s a common belief that we
are born
with
an upward reach, a desire to grow and progress toward our potential, and that
we feel better about ourselves as we do so. This chapter will explore pathways
to inner enrichment,
drawing
upon themes that are common across diverse cultures and spiritual traditions.
Look ahead
Optimism,
which correlates with self-esteem, lets us look forward to a satisfying life.
Life satisfaction is built upon emotional intelligence skills (such as healing
and taking care of ourselves emotionally), persisting in doing what is working,
personal growth, and cultivating meaning and purpose, among other things. This
chapter will explore three remaining processes related to self-esteem and life
satisfaction: personality development, cultivating meaning and purpose, and
relapse prevention.
